And I feel sick to my stomach.
This came out of nowhere and I feel horrible :(
But today Daddy and I got to have sexy times!
It was lovely and it felt so good, but we haven’t done it in a bit so once I got going it was one of those times I could take a lot; both size wise, and time wise.
But I got worried because they took Daddy off of her heart meddies that controlled her heart rate and kept it down and I could hear her wheezing and getting winded and I kept asking if she was alright but she’s stubborn and I know she kept pushing herself for me.
I feel selfish a bit.
Yesterday I cried and asked Daddy if I did something wrong because we hadn’t done anything for so long, an every time I tried she just kind of overlooked me; I thought she didn’t want to be with me like that anymore.
She said she doesn’t ever want me to think like that because she wants to be with me all the time in every way possible.
I think we sometimes don’t talk meaningfully enough.
And that’s partially my fault, it’s very hard for me to talk about my feelings or what in thinking.
We also both have a lot going on lately and we are both overwhelmed by lots of things so we fall into a routine of talking about safe things.
I have also had some bad days lately, and I hate them and getting down like that and not having a single valid reason why. It’s frustrating.
Privacy is also an issue. Living with my mother and sister is influencing my mood.
Lack of space and being cramped.
During the day it’s just Daddy and I and we can do what we like and be open and more comfortable, and I feel like a real adult because she treats me like one and like her equal.
Then my mother comes home and I get treated like I have for 21 years.
Like a child. I cook, clean, try my hardest to get my sister to do what she should.
I can’t disagree, can’t assert myself.
I hate it.
I truly think getting out of here will help tremendously.
I want to be able to open up more communication wise with Daddy, I truly do.
Daddy told me she was proud of me today :)
I got a very important letter that hopefully means things will get better soon.